By: Justin Hopkins
I suppose I only have myself to blame for this. Plenty of warnings about how mad of a movie this is. Kind of what it is known for in fact, but I am trying to cross movies off the list, and Super Mario Bros. has been on it for quite some time and who knows. I have found enjoyment with movies people despise on more then on occasion. Maybe there was some fun to be had here as well.. there wasn’t but the hope was there. With that said, lets dive in and discuss shall we.
The movie starts us off with a short animated scene of two dinosaurs talking with New York Accents. They are in Brooklyn 65 million years ago and down comes the meteor, taking them out, or did it. Posing the question of what if some survived, and are trying to come back to the world. We then jump to a women racing through the rain. Dropping a metal case outside the door of a church. After pacing a stone in a slot. She pounded on the door and took off. Getting caught by Koopa in the sewers and causes the shaft to cave in. Meanwhile the Nuns bring the case inside and find an egg inside. That hatches into a human. Then we jump to today and to Mario’s plumbing. Mario is taking an emergency call, while Luigi is watching a show on people saying they have been to alternate universes. He is a big believer in stuff like that while Mario is the realist. Even making them late to their call and missing out to a competitor because Luigi takes them on a detour because his instincts tell him to go that way. Meanwhile, at a delayed job sight due to an archaeological find. We meet Daisy, who is wearing the stone from the beginning, and she is getting threatened by Mob Boss Scapelli. Not to shyly reminding her of all the women going missing. She leaves to call the university for more security and runs into Mario and more specifically Luigi. Who took an instant liking to her and when he can’t ask her out, Mario does it for him and the whole run is more awful than you can imagine. At the double date that night. We learn that while she was left at the church. Luigi was left with Mario who raised him as a kid. They separate, Mario takes his dates home, with the numskulls from earlier follow and kidnap her after he leaves. While Luigi goes back to the sight with Daisy to see the dinosaur bones. Where they find guys sabotaging the pipes, with the help of a determined Mario, determined by his hatred of Scapelli, race down to stop the flooding and the numskulls return. This time kidnapping Daisy and take her through the wall, with the brothers hot on their heels and this movie gets so much worse from here and already pretty bad to begin with and really have to get away from it now.
I don’t really want to jump onto the hate bandwagon. The story was creative with the idea of this world run by people who evolved from dinosaurs. Being knocked there by the meteor. There is resemblances of a story there; not a Mario one in the slightest, but if you did a bit of stripping of the fat. Could have a fun little B Movie in there. I get what they are going for here. Wanting to bring the world of Mario and what it would look like in the real world, but by doing so. Lost all the magic and bright color that we love, and made it dark, grungy and disgusting.
A positive for sure is the dinosaur they tried to call Yoshi. It wasn’t, but he did look amazing. The robotics team that made him did a spectacular job on him. Same with the looks of the “Goombas”. Creative ways to improve their jumping and Ba-Bombs. Misguided, but creative.
They kind of had something going with Luigi. Being the awkward and skittish partner of Mario. Set up a big redemption, hero story for him, but dropped the ball entirely by the end. Even setting up as Daisy as the damsel in distress instead of Peach. This could have saved itself a little bit, had Luigi squared off with Koopa at the end. I get why they had Mario be the one, but they didn’t set up for the fight between them. They had gone so far out of their way to set the story around Luigi and Daisy and by not giving him the final fight. He started as a bumbling idiot and finished with no character growth to speak of.
The scary thing is, the cast was pretty good. Made the absolute most of what they were given. Bob Hoskins does have the look of a good Mario and stands up for himself and everyone around him, even Toad when he was getting arrested. Had really good chemistry with the likes of John Leguizamo and Dennis Hooper. Both of which could have knocked it out of the park as Luigi and Koopa. Hooper has that menacing presence and John had the enthusiasm and made a believable partnership for Hoskins. Samantha Mathis was alright as Daisy. Playing up the sweetness of the character good enough. If they has a better script could have made something special with the cast they had.
This is a D and I am almost already feeling that is to generous of a grade. I can make it through which is something I suppose and had some wild ideas Had some hopes that it would be so bad that it is good, but didn’t even hit that. Script is just to dysfunctional and too many missed opportunities. It was a mistake to watch and if you haven’t, save yourself the time for other bad movies that at least contain some levels of entertainment. As always, I hope you enjoyed and…
Thank You For Reading.