Alone In The Dark Movie Review
By: Justin Hopkins
** SPOILER WARNING**
Hello and welcome back to this weeks, B Movie Sunday. Coming back from a bit of a break and aam doing so by breaking a bit of a rule I had for myself involving this series, and that is the movie in question, can’t have a theater run, and this one, did have one. For the life of me I don’t know how, because in my opinion; Alone In The Dark is very much a B Movie and to be honest, I can’t possible do a list like this without covering a Uwe Boll film. It would just be sacrilegious. Having seen many, many deem this as one of the worst movies ever. Kind of had to see for myself. Before we jump in, want to disclose that I have never played any of the Alone In The Dark Games. Read that it is loosely based off the fourth game, but with that said. Won’t be pointing out any changes made here, because I simply don’t know anything about that. Ok, good, lets begin.
Movie kicks off with an opening Prologue about The Abkani Tribe. Summarizing the information, which is a lot. The tell us about The Abkani Tribe, and their beliefs on there being two worlds; One of light and one of Dark.When they open the gates to the otherside. Something came through and The Abkani was wiped out. Somehow the keys were hidden and The Creatures were seeking them out and Agency 713 was created to hunt down the Supernatural. Hudgins wqas involved and started doing experiments on Orphans to bind man with creatures. He was shut down, but not before setting us a lab in a gold mine, and it goes on and on. Too much information, but we do finally get to the movie and it is a flashback. We see Hudgins and a Nun yelling about how it was for the betterment of the Human Race and reporting the Orphans were gone. Only one had escaped. A young Carnby. We see our first monster and what looked like Carnby being electrocuted, but he wakes up, and is a grown adult on a plane, scaring a kid in the seat next to him. He is returning home with an Abkani artifact, and is attacked in his cab, but a man, who turns out later to be a former 713 agent who had been missing for 20 something years. Now infected by a parasite. We get some semi decent action and a beautiful bullet time camera shot through a block of ice. Then we see Hudgins fishing out a crate from the ocean with the cliche doom is nigh fisherman, who throws that right out the window when he sees the box is made of pure gold. Has Hudgins locked away tp claim what is inside; which we don’t see but everyone near is killed and a psychic wave goes out and a bunch of people, Orphans who were tested on, stop what they are doing and just walk off. Except Carnby, who is simply knocked unconscious. While his girlfriend is working on decoding a tablet. After being notified that his friend is missing and a little investigation later. He goes to his Girlfriend to examine this piece he has, and is kissed and hit and the dialogue starts to slip here. They are attacked by a monster, that they call Xenos, and the 713 saves them. You start to think that things will start moving at a faster pace, and it sort of does, and sort of dies, but it leads up to the final climax and battle at the gold mine. Will leave it at that for anyone who hasn’t seen this yet.
Know, you might be slightly confused by all of this, and yes I did summarize a lot of it, but it’s not much more clear in the movie. At times it doesn’t know what it wants to be. It’s a mystery, due to what happened at the orphanage, but there is no real investigation because they just tell you like it was some big reveal. An awful scene that feels like they shot it just to make a music video out of it, and is so bad that if they did make a music video out of it. Have no reason to even seek it out. A sex scene that is used to just drag out the run time, because they couldn’t be bothered to try and right a reason for it into the story. A James Bond style scene with all the weapons that the 713 invented to fight the Xenos but the monsters tank the bullets and are never really affected by it, and they don’t focus on any of the deaths matter because you don’t care about any of the character, minus maybe Carnby, who doesn’t die anyways. The plot holes in this are massive and hard to ignore. Have characters shocked and enraged by the fact their radios and remote detonator fails to work. Despite them stressing the fact the monsters emit waves that interrupt electronics. Carnby spends his life trying to figure out what happened at the Orphanage, but misses the massive piece. Makes them look more dumb as it goes along, and the dialogue is rough to say the least.
It wasn’t all so bad. Christian Slater was pretty solid as Edward Carnby. Likable enough to keep my interest. He made the dialogue work and chemistry was strong enough the ones he interacted with. Especially with Stephen Dorff, who got better as the story went along. They did something with his character that I thought was truly special. He played the character that acts as a roadblock for you main protagonist. One who is dead set in his thought process and refuses to listen till they are dead, but he did not. Believed Carnby was a threat because he knew he had a parasite, but once he saw him fighting alongside his men. Knew he was telling the truth and they fought together. No questions asked. He was actually smart, and nice to see. Tara Reid and Matthew Walker were okay. They tried their best, but the dialogue came back to haunt them, and hindered them hard.
Minus the gunfight at Carnby’s House, the action scenes were fine. Nothing really special but I did enjoy the first altercation. Lastly, I did enjoy the design on the monsters. The CG looked terrifying and were well designed. They worked with what they needed to be, and could have been much worse.
Still have no idea how this made it to theater, but with all that said; I did have a bit of fun with this movie. It’s not good by any meaning of the word, but far from the worst that I have seen. I enjoy the performance from Christian Slater and Stephen Dorff. I am going to say check it out, but going to put a massive asterisks next to it. Have to be aware of what you are getting into. It’s not quite on the level of it’s so bad it’s good movie. It has a lot of dumb moments and cringy dialogue that make me chuckle, but definitely not for everybody. Key is to sit back and have fun with the stupidity of it all.
Thanks for reading.